The Seven Big Myths about Marriage by Kaczor Christopher & Kaczor Jennifer

Author:Kaczor, Christopher & Kaczor, Jennifer [Kaczor, Christopher]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Spiritual & Religion
ISBN: 9781586178437
Published: 2014-04-09T04:00:00+00:00

The Fifth Big Myth

“Premarital Sex Is No Big Deal”

The Reality: Marital acts without marital vows

characteristically endanger others and always

misrepresent the truth about the relationship.

In this chapter, I provide two arguments why sex outside of marriage is contrary to the happiness that is found in loving God and loving neighbor. One of the arguments appeals to consequences, and the other does not. Before exploring the ethics of sex outside of marriage, it may be helpful to situate the discussion by examining some myths about premarital sex that can distort clear thinking about the issue.

Myths about Premarital Sex

Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker’s book Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying suggests that “pluralistic ignorance” informs many of the decisions that young adults, eighteen to twenty-three, make about sex. Unwritten scripts often shape behavior, and misinformation about the social world distorts the thinking of many people in this age group.

The first myth that Regnerus and Uecker dispel about premarital sex is “Everyone is doing it.” In fact, everyone is not doing it. About a quarter of all college students have never had sex even once; a substantial percentage have had sex once before but regret it. Most college students are not in an ongoing sexual relationship, nor are most college students frequently hooking up. The “Animal House” orgies of many movies are simply not an accurate depiction of the real-life experiences of the vast majority of college students. Although many people believe that college students have frequent random hookups—anything from kissing to sexual intercourse—Regnerus and Uecker point out that the average college student hooks up only one time per year and that “78 percent of women and 73 percent of men say they’ve regretted at least one hookup.”1

Another premarital-sex myth dispelled by Regnerus and Uecker is “Only losers don’t do it.” In fact, college students are more likely to abstain than those who did not attend college or who dropped out of high school. College virgins “tend to be a self-confident and accomplished lot”.2 College students refraining from having sex do not do so for lack of opportunities (at least for women) or for lack of sexual desire, and they are not less physically attractive than their peers.3 Among people who do have premarital sex, college students and college graduates have fewer partners than those who never went to college.4

A final myth about premarital sex that is widely believed among young adults is “You need it to start a long-term relationship.” In fact, the opposite is the case. Hookups seldom turn into actual romantic relationships. “[Just] 8 percent of both men and women reported having had sex first—before sensing romance—in at least one of their two most important relationships so far. That means that in key relationships, 92 percent of young adults said that nurturing romance and love came first, before sex. It is difficult to make it work the other way around.”5 Nor do “friends with benefits” arrangements typically lead to something more substantial. “Only 1

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